


Parenting 101 with Hisoka (please refrain from fainting, you will not get your child back if you leave it unsupervised)

by Ohgod_pleasehelpme



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Crack, Gen, Ging Freecs's bad parenting, Hisoka being kinda decent, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Some of the common tags are hilarious, and protective of Gon, crackfic, don't worry about the title, what even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25903090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohgod_pleasehelpme/pseuds/Ohgod_pleasehelpme
Summary: Hisoka wanted to chew out Ging so he took Gon by his collar and dragged him to his father. They end up shocking him instead, but Hisoka guesses Karma is Karma.(This is set after Greed Island but there are virtually no spoilers.)
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Hisoka
Comments: 12
Kudos: 52





	Parenting 101 with Hisoka (please refrain from fainting, you will not get your child back if you leave it unsupervised)

**Author's Note:**

> This is after the Greed Island arc but I'm just ignoring what happened from there on out, Gon hasn't met Kite here, because it's a crackfic so, for once, I don't need a thought-out, realistic reason to twist the plot to my convenience.

“This kid yours?” Hisoka asked, holding up Gon by the back of his jacket. Ging looked startled. His eyes traveled from his son, grinning awkwardly and waving at him, back to Hisoka's painted face that looked uncharacteristically unamused – not that Ging could know Hisoka's default mood and expression. “I guess so,” he muttered, still perplexed. It was then that Hisoka let some of his murderous aura flow, just a smidge of his rage. Ging wasn't surprised this man was able to find him without even knowing what he looked like anymore. “Well, in that case, I'd like to tell you that you're the _worst_ parent I've ever met. At least mine were around, even though they made it known how much they wanted to leave. You didn't even try to get to know the boy! The fact that I feel responsible for his life until I'll inevitably take it while you're goofing off and setting death traps for him is concerning.” Gon, who'd given up his struggles when he realized he didn't stand a chance, huffed. “Like hell you'll kill me! I'll kill you first. Now that I've seen Ging I need a new goal anyways.” “Oh, _Gon_. How _naughty_ of you to try and turn me on in front of your own father. That's like fucking while on the phone or touching each other under the table during a family dinner,” Hisoka purred. Where Gon was used to such comments by now and just turned his head away from Hisoka, Ging looked majorly uncomfortable and it wasn't because of Hisoka's bloodlust. “Gon, what is this man to you?” he asked in a half-whisper Hisoka could heard for sure, pointing at Hisoka. Gon looked up at the magician. If he was honest, he'd never thought about that. _What was Hisoka to him?_ “I mean, he's helped me a couple times but I don't think we're friends and he wants to kill me but at least he doesn't lie to me about it. About other things…” Gon trailed off, Greed Island fresh in his mind, to send a quick glare at Hisoka before resuming, “I can't really define it. He's just Hisoka. But if he's not the trouble then he'll get me out of trouble if I ask nicely and play my cards right.” “You wound me, Gon! I'm not your passionate lover, your night's sleep and day's energy? Your moon and sun, in the star-freckled sky? – Did you know I have freckles? I'm guessing you could've seen them when I was bathing but there might've been something more… _interesting_ to see~” Over their ensuing banter, neither noticed that Ging had, in fact, fainted at the implications of Hisoka's statement. Little did he know that he was right. (He would've probably died on the spot had he known for sure that his twelve-year-old son had seen a random pedophile's boner, with and without clothes.)

**Author's Note:**

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End file.
